Change management and organisational learning

           Customer service and loyalty

           Interactive skills

           Servant leadership           

           Learning from work

           Mentoring

           Negotiation and conflict management

           Coaching

           Leadership

           Team working

            Action Learning

 Sample content from one of the Eleven sets:

Three sample summaries of direct quotes from 28 carefully selected Interactive Skills articles

The full summary has over 20,000 words.

From: “Consequential Conversations” David Kantor and Richard Koonce. 

Talent Development August 2018 Pages 50-55.

P 50   “As executive coaches, one of the biggest challenges we find that leaders at all levels face is how to exert effective influence and presence in team situations”.

P 52   “To be effective, leaders must create the circumstances - the eco system if you will - that elicits optimal engagement from others, supports vigorous exploration and debate of ideas and options, and ultimately aligns team members behind well-considered courses of action. This requires self aware, socially intelligent leaders who can employ powerful process tools with which to build stronger team member engagement and enhance team performance”.

“Four ways to move a conversation forward: The four-player model is a versatile group-process tool leaders can use to facilitate and drive effective and inclusive decision making".

“Purpose/Direction, to drive conversation: ‘Here’s what we need to do’.           

Observe/Frame: ‘It seems we have a degree of disagreement, how do we resolve it?’.            

Challenge/Modify course: ‘I think we need to look at other options’.

Support/Collaborate: ‘Yes I agree with that, so how do we proceed?’ “.

“The four-player model is predicated on the idea that, in the context of any interaction between two or more people, an individual can take one of four conversational ‘stances’ to advance group dialogue”.

“The individual can act as a: 

       Mover          Convening a group for a discussion and actively driving the conversational agenda.

       Follower       Listening to others and aligning himself with what others say.

       Opposer       Asking questions, challenging assumptions, and vetting ideas under discussion. 

       Bystander     Acting as an observer of a group’s conversational process and progress and sharing those observations with others”.

“Movers initiate action in group settings by offering ideas or suggesting courses of action to take…they typically produce direction for a group’s work and drive the conversational agenda, at least at the beginning”.

“Followers support the stances (opinions, perspectives) that others offer. They’re not passive or compliant. Instead, they support and align themselves with what others say, sometimes adding their own opinions”.

“Followers play a vital role in group process by helping to drive a group’s decision making toward closure and completion. Their voice gives credence and legitimacy to what others say, while their degree of followership illuminates for others what further work may need to be done to move an entire group toward consensus about a topic”.

“Opposers help take group discussions to deeper levels. They aren’t naysayers or road blockers, rather, by speaking up, and asking clarifying questions of others, they endeavour to stress-test ideas under discussion”.

“Opposers help to vet ideas using inquiry to sharpen the focus of a group’s conversations. They also counter-propose ideas in response to what movers suggest. Opposers ensure that group decision making is thoughtful and robust and that decisions are based on a thorough examination and exploration of the ideas and opinions their team mates offer”.

“Bystanders play a critical role in the interactive process of group decision making by providing perspective on a group’s discussions, process and conversational progress. Bystanders sometimes function as the conscience of the group (in what they say and the internal information they give).  Bystanders also reflect on the actions and statements of others, sometimes piggy backing on what others say to offer their own perspective on topics under discussion”.

P 55   “The four-player model provides a conversational guidance system that a leader can use to convene, facilitate and manage effective team decision making”.

“Leaders (and team members) can easily get stuck when an individual relies too much on the use of any one stance in group conversation”.

“Effectively employing the model requires more than a mechanistic appreciation of the conversational stances and how to employ them in team contexts”.

From: “Empathy and Emotional Intelligence: What is it Really About?” F Ionnidou and V Konstantikaki. 

International Journal of Caring Sciences Vol. 1 No. 3 2008 Pages 118-123.

P 118   “Empathy is the ‘capacity’ to share and understand another’s ‘state of mind’ or emotion. It is often characterised as the ability to ‘put oneself into another’s shoes’, or in some way experience the outlook or emotions of another being within oneself”.

“Emotional intelligence (EI), often measured as an emotional intelligence quotient (EQ), describes a concept that involves the ability, capacity, skill or self-perceived ability to identify, assess and manage the emotions of one’s self, or others, and of groups”.

“We’ve all met people who are academically brilliant and yet are socially and interpersonally inept”.

P 119   “The origin of the word empathy dates back to the 1880s, when German psychologist Theodre Lipps coined the term ‘einfulung’ (literally in-feeling) to describe the emotional appreciation of another’s feelings”.

“Empathy has further been described as the process of understanding a person’s subjective experience by vicariously sharing that experience while maintaining an observant stance (Zinn 1999)”.

“Empathy means to recognise other’s feelings, the causes of these feelings, and to be able to participate in the emotional experience of an individual without becoming part of it” (Keen 2007)”.

“Sympathy is an emotional reaction, immediate and uncontrolled, which inundates when one person imagines himself in the position someone else is in. Empathy on the other hand, is a skill learned, or an attitude of life, which can be used to try to come into contact with someone, to communicate and understand other’s experiences or feelings (Halpren 2003)”.

“Empathy is not the result of previous experience, it is the moment when non verbal contact between people is occurring”.

“Empathy is an important capability, which all people must develop in order to progress and continue with their life (Pederson 2007). The ability to understand, and to disconnect from your personal feelings (sense of objectivity), is particularly important in creating effective and constructive relations (Halpern 2007)”.

P 120   “A useful tactic, which people should develop, is to carefully listen to another, trying to understand how another person feels and what s/he wants to achieve”.

“Teamwork should be focused on encouraging people to understand other’s requirements, to suggest ways of achieving their objectives and to co-operate together to solve problems. In this way, they will develop confidence in their partners”.

“Most people aren’t really listening to others, but are just waiting for their turn to speak, to communicate their personal views and experiences without listening and really understanding (White 1997)”.

“Three attitudes recognised by Carl Rogers around interpersonal effectiveness:

Authenticity

Unconditional positive regard

Empathy”.

“Empathy may seem simple, but it is not just a simple reflection of a person’s sayings at any communication. It is rather the active understanding of the emotions attached to the words used by a person. Those emotions are displayed and simultaneously hidden, either because they cause anxiety and confusion, or because they have not yet come into a conscious level (Rogers 1951)”.

P 121   “The ability to understand and appreciate our emotions is the key to psychological insight and understanding”. 

“The art of interpersonal relations is to a large extent, the skill of handling other’s feelings”.

“Emotional intelligence is something that can be learned”.

P 122   “The main feature of emotional intelligence is self-knowledge. It is actually, the ability to observe our feelings at all times displayed, to recognise them, to name them and to express them in a productive manner”.

“People who have emotional intelligence create within their family, friends and work, safe, functional, relieving relations. They also recognise other’s feelings, allowing their expression. Any relationship is for them a link and not ‘bonds’. They also recognise other’s feelings, allowing their expression, they withstand negotiation and they can protect themselves from any ‘bad’ expressions – behaviour feeling guilty or responsible for the way others would handle it”.

From: “Find the Coaching in Criticism – the Right Ways to Receive Feedback” Sheila Heen and Douglas Stone. 

Harvard Business Review January/February 2004 Pages 108-111.

P 109   “Feedback is crucial. That is obvious: it improves performance, develops talent, solves problems, guides promotion and pay, and boosts the bottom line”.

“But it is equally obvious that in many organisations, feedback doesn’t work. A glance at the stats tells us the story: Only 36% of managers complete appraisals thoroughly and on time. In one recent survey, 55% of employees said their most recent performance review had been unfair or inaccurate, and one in four said they dread such evaluations more than anything in their working lives”.

“Improving the skills of the feedback giver won’t accomplish much accomplish much if the receiver isn’t able to absorb what is said. It is the receiver who controls is let in or left out, who has to make sense of what he or she is hearing, and who decides whether or not to change”.

“The skills needed to receive feedback well are distinct and learnable. They include being able to identify and manage the emotions triggered by the feedback and extract value from criticism even when it’s poorly delivered”.

“You might think there are a thousand ways in which feedback can push your buttons, but in fact there are only three:

Truth triggers are set off by the content of the feedback when assessments or advice seem off base, unhelpful, or simply untrue, you feel indignant, wronged and exasperated.

Relationship triggers are tripped by the person providing the feedback. Exchanges are often coloured by what you believe about the giver (he’s got no credibility on this topic!) and how you feel about your previous interactions.

Identity triggers are all about your relationship with yourself. Whether the feedback is right or wrong, wise or witless, it can be devastating if it causes your sense of who you are to come undone”.

“The solution (to reacting to the triggers) is to recognise what’s happening and learn how to derive benefit from feedback even when it sets off one or more of your triggers".

“The six steps below will keep you from throwing valuable feedback onto the discard pile – or just as damaging – accepting and acting on comments that you would be better off regarding.

Know your tendencies.

Disentangle the ‘what’ from the ‘who’.

Sort toward coaching.

Unpack the feedback

Ask for just one thing.

Engage in small experiments”.

“You’ve been getting feedback all your life, so there are no doubt patterns in how you respond…do you tend to reject feedback in the moment and then step back and consider it over time? Do you accept it all immediately, but later decide it is not valid? Do you agree with it intellectually, but have trouble changing your behaviour?”.

P 110   “If the feedback is on target and the advice is wise, it shouldn’t matter who delivers it, but it does. 

When a relationship trigger is activated, entwining the content of comments with your feelings about the giver (or about how, when or where she delivered the comments) learning is short circuited. To keep that from happening, you have to work to separate the message from the messenger and then consider both”.

“Coaching allows you to learn and improve and helps you play at a higher level”.

“Feeling judged is likely to set off your identity triggers, and the resulting anxiety can drown out the opportunity to learn. So whenever possible, sort toward coaching. Work to hear feedback as potentially valuable advice from a fresh perspective rather than as an indictment of how you’ve done things in the past”.

“Often it’s not immediately clear whether feedback is valid and useful”.

P 111   “When you set aside snap judgements take time to explore where feedback is coming from and where it’s going. You can enter into a rich, informative conversation about perceived best practices, whether you decide to take the advice or not”.

“Feedback is likely to set off your emotional triggers if you request it and direct it…find opportunities 

to get bite-sized pieces of coaching from a variety of people throughout the year”.

“Don’t invite criticism with a big, unfocused question like ‘Do you have any feedback for me?’. Make the process more manageable by asking a colleague, a boss, or a direct report, ‘what’s one thing you see me doing (or failing to do), that holds me back?’. That person may name the first behaviour that comes to mind, or the most important one on his or her list. Either way, you’ll create information and can tease out more specifics at your own pace”.

“Research has shown that those who explicitly seek critical feedback (that is, who are not just fishing for praise) tend to get higher performance ratings. Why? Mainly, we think because someone who’s asking for coaching is more likely to take what is said to heart and genuinely improve. But also because when you ask for feedback, you not only find out how others see you, you also influence how they see you”.

“After you’ve worked to solicit and understand feedback, it may still be hard to discern which bits of advice will help you and which ones won’t. We suggest designing small experiments to find out. Even though you may doubt that a suggestion will be useful, if the downside risk is small, and the upside potential is large, it’s worth a try”.

“Your growth depends on your ability to pull value from criticism in spite of your natural responses and your willingness to seek out even more advice and coaching from bosses, peers and subordinates”.

“You are the most important factor in your development. If you’re determined to learn from whatever feedback you get, no-one can stop you”.

The full 20,000 word summary used these additional 25 sources

“Repair Feedback’s bad Reputation” M Tamra Chandler Talent Development January 2020 Pages 36-41

“The Feedback Fallacy” Marcus Buckingham and Ashley Goodhall Harvard Business Review March/April 2019 Pages 92-101

“The Fear of Feedback” Patrick Malone and Zina Sutch Talent Development February 2019 Pages 30-35

”Can I Give you Some Feedback?” Steve MacCaulay and Sarah Cook Training Journal January 2018 Pages 36-38

“What is Empathy?” Daniel Goleman Harvard Business Review Emotional Intelligence Series – Empathy 2017 Pages 3-11

“Why Compassion is a Better Managerial Tactic Than Toughness” Emma Seppala Harvard Business Review Emotional Intelligence Series – Empathy 2017 Pages 13-28

“What the Dalai Lama Taught me About Emotional Intelligence” Daniel Goleman Harvard Business Review Emotional Intelligence Series – Empathy 2017 Pages 117-130

“What Great Listeners Actually do” Jack Zenger and Joseph Folkman Harvard Business Review July 2016 Pages 29-40

“Emotional Intelligence: History, Models and Measures” Priyam Dhani and Tanu Sharma International Journal of Science, Technology and Management Vol. 5 Issue 7 2016 Pages 189-201

“Empathy: A Review of the Concept” Benjamin Cuff, Sarah Brown, Laura Taylor and Douglas Howat Emotion Review April 2016

“The Limits of Empathy” Adam Waytz Harvard Business Review January/February 2016 Pages 68-73

“Whoever has Ears, let Them Hear: Feedback Tips for Less Grumbling, More Growth” Sheila Heen Expert Insight Issue 24 2014 Pages 50-57

“Connect, Then Lead: To Exert Influence, you Must Balance Competence With Warmth” Amy Cuddy, Matthew Kohut and John Neffinger Harvard Business Review July/August 2013 Pages 55-61

“Good Listening Skills Make Efficient Business Sense” D B Rane The IUP Journal of soft skills Vol. 5 No. 4 2011 Pages 43-51

“Emotional intelligence at the Workplace: A Psychological Review” Zafrul Allam Global Management Review Vol. 15 Issue 2 February 2011 Pages 71-80

“The Value of Emotional Intelligence for High Performance Coaching” Jonathan Chan and Clifford Mallett International Journal of Sports Science and Coaching Vol. 6 No. 3 2011 Pages 315-323

“Why Does Nobody Understand me?” Hugh Greenway Training Journal December 2008 Pages 35-39

“Developing Emotional Intelligence Through Workplace Learning: Findings From a Case Study in Healthcare” Nicholas Clarke Human Resource Development International Vol 19  No 4 December 2006 Pages 447-465

“The Bar-on Model of Emotional-social Intelligence (ESI)” Reuven Bar-on Psychothema Vol. 18 Supplement 2006 Pages 13-25

“Emotional Intelligence in the Workplace: A Critical Review” Moshe Zeidner, Gerald Matthews and Richard Roberts Applied Psychology: An International Review Vol. 53 No 3 2004 Pages 371-399

“Emotional Intelligence: Theory, findings, and implications” John Mayer, Peter Salovey and David Caruso Psychological Inquiry Vol. 15 No 3. 2004 Pages 197-215

“Building the Emotional Intelligence of Groups”Vanessa Urch Druskat and Steven WolffHarvard Business Review March 2001 Pages 80-90

“Managing Oneself” Peter Drucker Harvard Business Review March/April 1999 Pages 65-74

“Barriers and Gateways to Communication” Carl Rogers and FJ Roethlisberger Harvard Business Review July/August 1952, Reprinted November/December 1991 Pages 105-111

“Toward an Assessment of the Construct Validity of Four Measures of Narcissism” Lynn Mullins and Richard Kopelman Journal of Personality Assessment Vol. 52 No. 4 1988 Pages 610-625